Myrtle Beach 2006, Day 2

My mom and I woke up around 7:30 and started getting ready to hit the fabulous Motel 8 Continental Breakfast. Mom said she was taking a shower and disappeared into the bathroom. I had showered the night before, so I got dressed and hurried to put on my makeup so I wouldn’t hold my mother up when she was done. Silly mortal. She finally emerged from the lavatory after more than 20 minutes and said rather sheepishly, “I haven’t taken my shower yet!” But what she HAD done is completed at least two Sudoku puzzles while dropping a deuce. Nice.

I headed to the Continental B’fast after I saw J.J. limping past our room. Once there I feasted on stale whole wheat toast and apple juice. I need a lot of fiber when I’m on the road. Sitting for so many hours tends to bind me up. J.J. was on his fourth or fifth cup of decaf coffee, but after my mother arrived decided to go for the leaded. Uh oh. What’s this? NO REGULAR COFFEE? I thought my mom was going to have a coronary. Pretty soon, she and J.J. and a small mob had clustered around the front desk while a young, pale woman cowered in the corner. J.J. stomped his cane on the floor.

“ARE YOU FOR REAL, BITCH???”

Okay, he didn’t really say that. But he did stomp his cane, and he did say, “With the prices you charge, you don’t have real coffee??” He was just kidding, but I’m not sure the young clerk got it. She told him the real coffee machine was broken. Interesting, because apparently the decaf coffee machine worked just fine. Bizarro.

So no real coffee, but there were some really tasty raisin bagels. Want to know why? Because my mom brought them into the breakfast with her. Yes, that’s right. She brought her own food to the continental breakfast. But that’s okay. Because she pilfered enough to make up for it three times over. She stole cream cheese, peanut butter packets, hazelnut creamer, two packets of oatmeal, and I think some jelly. I used to think those urban myths about senior citizens stealing sugar packets and spoons from Big Boy were just rumors. Now I know the truth, because my mom is one of them. She probably got her Kashi granola bars from Walmart “on special.” I think I’m going to have to watch her.

We got on the road around 10 and I made the mistake of offering the keys to my mom. Fog, mountains, and mothers do not make for good driving. But fortunately she got us through and after another round of restaurant rodeo, we had lunch at Hardee’s and I took the wheel. We travelled through hundreds of miles of two-laners and Amish roads because there is no direct interstate to Myrtle Beach. I highly suggest flying this route because there are so many small towns on the backwoods roads that we were constantly having to slow down from our jet-like speeds of 55 MPG to 23 or 30 MPH. I swear a guy named Amos Yoder passed us driving a horse and buggy.

We made it to Myrtle Beach around 4 and after the keys were handed over, we were cornered by a woman who represented the timeshare my parents own. Her British accent was so bad it had to be real, and we ended up signing up for a Timeshare Seminar to be held tomorrow morning. Wow, can't TELL you how much I am looking forward to that. After check-in was finally over, we headed to our luxurious condo in Villa III on the sixth floor. I almost busted a nut trying to park the Ford 500 into parking spots clearly made for motorcycles but finally we unloaded and went up to veg.

The condo is really nice. Two bedrooms, two baths, and the view is really pretty. It’s warm here today, mid-80’s I’d say. Even with the ocean breeze it was quite humid. We settled into our condo and what’s the first thing my parents did? Reconciled their checkbooks for the past few week’s worth of spending. I’m telling you, they know how to have a rockin’ time!

My mom and I walked along the beach this evening picking up shells and it was really beautiful. Even though the sea air smelled like rotten tilapia, it was still nice. We tried to walk down a pier about ½ mile from the condo but they were charging a buck and frankly, we are cheap. My parents save their McDonalds “Senior Coffee” cups because some McDonalds will refill them for free. A buck is a buck.

So now here we are at the end of day 2, finally settled into our vacation. Tomorrow: sun, beach, ocean, pool…timeshare seminar…bickering…and bingo at night. Can’t wait! Oh no...it's 10:30 PM, I need to brush my teeth, and the sMother just disappeared into the bathroom with her Sudoku book. NOOOOOOOO!!!!