Myrtle Beach 2006, Day 3

I woke up this morning around 8:00 to the sound of the TV coming from outside my bedroom door. My parents are senior citizens now, you see (it’s actually kind of difficult to write this right now because the goddamn television is so freakin’ loud). J.J. was watching the CNN morning financials while my mom continued to snooze in the bed next to me.

I decided to go for a walk along the beach by myself. It was pretty quiet except for the surf and there were only a few people out fishing or walking.
I got back to the condo about an hour after I left and my mom was still sleeping. Finally we had to rouse her out of bed because we had to go meet with the timeshare people so they could try to convince my parents to become VIP Gold members and increase their points so they could plan even more vacations that my mom would either back out of or resent going on. My mom once again disappeared into the bathroom with her Sudoku book and about 25 minutes later we finally heard the shower turn on. PS: the Sudoku book is currently perched behind the little trash can next to the toilet. For convenience.

The parental fight count for the day so far is only 1 (major), and it was regarding J.J’s phone charger. My mom accused him of hiding the charger from her, when the crime he had actually committed was plugging it in behind a pile of beach towels on the counter, where she just happened to not see it. My god. What was he thinking. Fortunately, that was the only real fight they had.

The timeshare spiel was brutal, but the ‘Rents stood firm and did not sign up for the VIP Gold points. After that torture, we all headed to the pool to soak up the sun. For J.J. that meant about 20 minutes before he started to burn and had to head back up to the condo for his nap. Mom and I stayed a while until finally it was time for Timeshare Activity #2 for the day: Wine and Cheese Welcome in the Registration Center.

I will be frank. There was very little wine and the event itself was very cheesy, pun intended. The “cheese” consisted of a Cheese-Whiz-type spread with almonds and some Kraft cheddar on Ritz Crackers. Everything tastes better sitting on a Ritz, that’s probably why they used them. There were also some little Vienna sausages wrapped up in Pillsbury dough. I had a bunch of those. Nummers. The “wine” was actually a punch that reportedly had wine in it. I chose the non-alcoholic version because I prefer my Pinot Noir not mixed with Hawaiian Punch. We had to do some brain-teaser word puzzles not unlike the ones Wally makes us do in the weekly Project All Hands meeting at work. Everyone was impressed with how quickly I filled mine out. I didn’t tell them that I got practice every week. I also didn’t tell them that my brain cells were much fresher than theirs because I was the only person under 60 in the room. That would have been mean. True but mean. Yes, I know. I am going to hell.

After “wine” and “cheese” I went for another walk with my mom on the beach. The urge to gather seashells is quite overwhelming and again I found myself loading my plastic bag with worthless pieces of chitin. Hopefully my stepsons will be impressed with my bounty because I’m not sure what I’ll actually do with them.

We dined on Walmart Pizza for dinner (a true Myrtle Beach specialty) and then J.J. and I went back to the Registration Center…to play…Bingo. Bingo. Bingo. Yes, I said Bingo. We paid five bucks for the privilege of getting humiliated by not winning a single game in an hour. Okay, let me clarify. BETH was the only one who didn’t win a single game. There were 8 other people playing and all of them walked out with at least one prize. J.J. won two: a smiley face umbrella and some body lotion with a scented candle. He gave the latter to my mom when we got back. She almost acted appreciative, but remained true to her current state of mind (that being, the universe revolving around her) and was merely indifferent.

I only had to be annoyed with my mom being on the cell phone once today. She’s been pretty good about saving her phone calls for private times. However, she did get a call from her friend Stacy just before we were going to leave for our walk. I told J.J. she got five minutes and then I was leaving for the beach. Fortunately, she tied up her conversation and accompanied me on our shell-gathering trip.

So far the weather is holding up, although some choppy seas may put a damper on our plans for a casino cruise tomorrow night. Without shame I admit that yours truly won’t go on the cruise if the waves are too high because she doesn’t want her parents to be embarrassed when their daughter hurls on the deck. The ‘Rents won’t go alone together without me, so I’m hoping the winds die down.